The heartbeat...

That's right folks.

We have a heartbeat! Jen has NOT been lying this whole time just to score some extra sympathy and donuts.

So we had a visit with the midwife. Actually the midwife's apprentice and a replacement midwife. Our head midwife was having back surgery. Don't worry though. The apprentice and the sub were equally new-agey and hippy-ish.

So they whip out the fetus-scope which basically looks like a stethoscope for the hard of hearing.

The apprentice goes first, "Ooooh, I can hear a hearbeat!"

The sub goes next, "Ooooh, I can hear a heartbeat!"

Jen's turn, "Ooooh, I hear it too!"

Chris's turn, "Ooooh, ..."

"What am I supposed to hear again?"

To get a good sense of what I'm hearing, go grab a seashell, put it up to you ear, then grab a cell phone and have someone riding in a car on the other end. Now have someone across the room think a tapping sound in their head and see if you can hear what that other person is thinking.

So here I am with a mega-stethoscope in my ears and the other end which looks like a hubcap sitting on Jen's belly. Three pairs of expectant (female) eyes are staring at me waiting for my face to light up and the tears to start flowing. And all I can hear is the sound of one midwife saying to the other midwife after we leave "Well, that guy was a tool. What crappy father he's going to be. How is he going to hear his kid crying out for love when he couldn't even hear something so obvious as the heartbeat?!!"

So what do I say?

"Ooooh, I think I hear it!!"

"Wow, what an incredible experience. What an amazing day."

...

So I lied about hearing the heartbeat. Does that make me a bad father? I'll probably hear it someday right? When the kid is twelve I'll get a glass from the kitchen and put it on his/her chest. "There it is. What do you know. A heartbeat."