Monday, December 29, 2008

The name game!

Alrighty folks.

We are on a hunt for names. Serious or joke names are welcome. 3 boy's names, 3 girl's names, and 3 gender non-specific names.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Tips on how to handle us right now...

Well, folks, it's about time you all started to find out about this. I'm tired of writing a blog just for us. We're a little nervous about it though. In fact, Jen actually can't say it. She cannot put it into words and say "I'm preggers." In almost every situation, I'm the one that's gotta say it out loud. So if you get told by Jen, consider yourself extremely blessed and if you didn't get told by Jen, don't feel bad. (Heck, she didn't even tell me, I found a positive pregnancy test in the garbage one morning.) A few people have already started asking what they can do to help.

Here are some tips for what to do now:

1. We don't even know what we need or what to ask for from other people right now. If you have tips or lists of things we should have ready, we'd like to hear it. What was helpful for you? What should we ask other people to do (or not do)?

2. Be careful when talking to Jen that you don't exclusively focus on the pregnancy. Jen wants to continue to have the kinds of conversations she's always had and does not want her entire essence to be boiled down to being pregnant. Its okay to ask and talk about it, but don't make it the only thing.

3. Try really hard not to buy anything. We are unbelievable blessed to have people in our lives who are giving (or cheaply selling) their old baby crap. I KNOW that this is hard. When you find that Cubs one-sie or that baby pirate costume you are going to want to buy it and send it off. Thank you. Thank you soo much. We know that you love us and the new roommate. Maybe we can comprimise. If you would like to purchase things for our family, we'd like to suggest that you but it used. Garage sales, craigslist, and thrift stores are all loaded down with great stuff. (We are a little freaked out about money right now and will keep you posted on lifting the ban of buying stuff.)

Let me take a second to say thanks. To everyone. We feel really lucky in so many ways. People have been really helpful so far and supportive and inspiring. If we even remotely feel prepared, its because of the support of others. Thanks.

Monday, November 24, 2008

The Midwife

As soon as we found out our new roommate was on the way we started checking out doctors and midwives. One of our favorite people, Tanja, pointed us towards Beth. She's a midwife in town and came very highly recommended. Not only does she live in the other co-housing community in town, she actually delivered the baby that was born in our basement to the family that lived here before we did. (Sorry to all of you visitors who have showered down there and did not know that.)

Beth has been the most helpful, soothing, and informative person we could have ever asked for. She does have a tendency to accidentally freak us out though.

Example: We went in to see Beth early on for a full medical history. As we went through she asked about mental health of extended family. We talked a little bit about some depression and anxiety, no big deal.

Beth says "Well, Postpartum depression can be really rough on people. The number one thing you can do to help with postpartum depression is to have accurate expectations about what the initial experience is going to be like."

Great, good information Beth, very helpful, but let's listen in to what she says next...

"The number two thing you can do to help with postpartum depression is to..."

(Get ready.)

(Here it comes!)

"...ingest the placenta."

Now this may not come as a shock to you experienced birthers out there, but I can tell you that it came as a shock to us. I was not expecting that one. The picture I had in my head was of Jen crying while the baby is crying and I'm standing at the stove frying up the placenta like liver and onions.

So Jen just starts laughing and I can't really speak much more than "Buhrr... Guuhhh... Hummm." She does go on to explain that they grind it into a powder and put it in capsules, and she tells us that its got all the hormones and iron Jen loses by giving birth, so that's good.
Either way, my Expectant Father book did not have a chapter on how to cook a delicious placenta.

I wonder what happens if you eat the umbilical cord.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Where, oh where, will the baby be born?

Beware. This one might be a tough one for people. We've gotten mixed reactions from folks so far, but the gist of it is this... we are going to birth the baby in our own home with a midwife who does this kind of thing.

A lot of people's first reactions focus around the mess that could be created (and when I say "a lot of people" I really mean me). The picture I have in my head is a screaming newborn and some sort of "gunk" covering the ceiling and the walls. Kind of like the end of Ghostbusters except instead of marshmallow, I'm covered in "fluid." I get past that pretty quick though and so should you. The second most popular concern is around safety. When we first started this investigation I kept saying to myself "Has there ever been a baby that died at home because it wasn't at a hospital? Yes. Has there ever been a baby that died at the hospital that would have been saved if it were at home? No." It seemed like a no-brainer to me at the time. Why not have the baby at the place where it has the highest chance of living? The problem with these questions is that they're actually the wrong questions.

So here's where it started: The thought has been floating around in our heads for a while, but the movie "The Business of Being Born" really pushed us over the edge. I recommend watching the movie and then checking out some of the debate on the Internet. I liked the movie. I did, but probably not for the same reason other people like it. There are tons of big fans out there that really identify with the movie's criticism of the process of birthing a baby in a hospital. The reason there are so many more c-sections now than there were 20 years ago have more to do with hospitals and doctors' procedures and preferences than changes in women's bodies. It stems from the belief that women are idiots about their own bodies and experiences and they need doctors to come along and rescue them with "science." The movie does use some research and statistics to make some arguments, but this really is where it falls short as well. So much of the movie is about personal preference. People in the movie state what their preference is as "fact" or their negative experience with a doctor as "the norm." I'm just not black and white enough for grand sweeping statements. I'm fine with anecdotal information to support an argument, but in the end what you think is "the best," is really "the best for you." So check the movie out and if you think we're nuts for doing this, maybe the movie will begin the process of opening you up to alternatives.

In reality though, here's what we've learned so far... For most pregnancies a home birth is fine. Having a doctor deliver a baby is overkill.

Also, for most of the pregnancies where you do need a doctor because things are/could be hairy, you know that in advance. You know if your having multiples, you generally know if the baby hasn't turned the right way, and you know if the mom is high risk.

Then there's the stuff that you don't know about. The surprises. Obviously this sucks, but even with most of the surprises you have plenty of time to get to a hospital. We live a maximum of 10 minutes from theemergency room.

So by now you may be saying, "I get that a hospital is over kill in most cases, but why take a chance at all?"

Good question. People have tried very hard to find a research study that officially says hospitals are safer and they have yet to prove anything like that.

First off, and this may come as a huge shock to people... our medical system is messed up. We don't have our birthing stuff figured out. We're in 40-something place as far as infant mortality. That's below Cuba and Taiwan and right above Croatia and Belarus. Not really the stellar credentials you'd expect from a hospital system that shames you for not using their services.

Women having babies in hospitals these days are having a ton of C-sections. Don't even count the "designer births" where people schedule the exact day they are having their baby and then cut it out. We're just talking your average person in a hospital. The World Health Organization recommends that Caesarean section rates should never be above 15% in a developed country. The US was at 30.2% in 2005. Now there IS plenty of research showing negative impacts of C-sections for mother (increased risk of death, problems with second birth, and infection) and baby (increased risk of diabetes, asthma, and problems breast feeding).

Most people don't want a C-section. It's risky, its major surgery, but still rates continue to go up. It doesn't make any sense. There is no one reason that is going to explain this for us. Some people seem to think that they have it all figured out. That the evil doctors are lazy and want to administer drugs in order to control the timing of the birth, then things get messed up and SHAZAMM they have to do a c-section. For me its just not that simple. (There is no agreement in the research as to whether or not an epidural increases the likelihood of a c-section.) It's not just one answer. But just because it can't account completely for a rise in c-sections, doesn't mean its not true. There are patterns and systems at work within a hospital that support the use of drugs and c-sections.

Okay, last point here. And this is where I really get on board. Birthing a baby anywhere can be painful, intense, and really scary. If you have to do something painful, intense, and scary, you'd probably want to do it in a place that feels the safest to you. For many people this is a hospital. For many pregnant women, they can start to feel safe and try to relax once they get to the hospital. No judgement here. Hospitals are great places for some people.

So my question for you is this: Have any of you ever seen Jen Johnson in a hospital? There are probably a few of you who have seen her near a doctor or getting a shot. If you have then you know that it isn't a pretty sight. I have seen Jen in a hospital and I remember one time when Jen had to have a needle in her arm for a while and she called all of the nurses "assholes." A hospital would be the perfect place for a Jen Johnson nightmare. Fear and adrenaline slow down the birthing process making the situation more dangerous. So we pretty much avoid all hospitals if we can.

I'm not going to make any grand sweeping conclusions about what other people should do, but I know this, Jen feels more comfortable going with a home birth. She's smart and she knows her body and her self. So a home birth is the right choice for this family.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Finding out and telling people

If you're reading this now it's because you already know!! We're getting a new roommate! We've loved having Meredith as a roommate, but we're looking for someone we can put in a back pack and Meredith did not like it when I tried to carry her around in a Baby Bjorn. We're pretty excited/nervous/confused right about now, but that's why you get a full 9 months to prepare.

Finding out: I actually found out one Saturday morning in October when I got up to pee after Jen had left for work (Surprise, surprise, Jen had to work a Saturday). In the garbage next to the toilet was a positive pregnancy test. I looked at it closely and then put it back in the garbage thinking "It must be a mistake. Jen would have woken me up if that thing were true." Jen came home that night and said, "Hey hon, how was your day? I think I might be pregnant." I was (and still kind of am) convinced that Jen was wrong. She kept claiming that she could tell because she hadn't had her period in a looong time, but I kept telling her that that didn't prove anything! I need and expert (Jen does not count as an expert of her own body. This is something I am quickly learning that I better get over) to tell me "Yup, the bun is in the oven." I like experts. They know more than me. They're more experienced than me. I pay them good money so that I don't have to know what they know. Anyway, we still haven't gone in to get a real blood test, but if you've ever met Jen Johnson before, you understand why we have avoided any kind of needles. Jen's books tell her that telling your friends is the best because then you'll get the kind of reaction that your looking for. I think it's tough on non-pregnant partners because its pretty unreal at the beginning. You're always a month behind where you should be. Its not until the second month that you start to believe that something like this is even possible. Plus, finding out is so weighted for the parents. Friends get to squeal and hug and think about names and babysitting someday. Parents are thinking about keeping this new alien alive, not passing your own shit down another generation, and saving for college. I'm excited certaily,but I'm... everything right now and excited is only one piece. So when someone asks "Hey, how does it feel?" I just want to say "How long do you have?"

Telling people: We decided not to tell anyone right away. Sorry folks. We were freeking out for a while and we have no idea what we're doing. We think we heard somewhere along the way that you don't start telling people until you're out of the first 3 months so that's pretty much what we decided to do. So we told a couple people around Halloween/beginning of November so we could freek out with people other than each other. (When I say "freeking out" I don't mean we're running around like headless chickens, I mean we have no idea what to expect or do right now.) It's tough not telling people. I hate interacting with people and not being transparent. So sorry to all the folks who felt that something else was going on under the surface. When I don't get to be transparent, I avoid contact a lot. Anyway, it's November now. Our bosses will probably find out before our families, but we're nervous about how things will look with our jobs and we need as much time as possible to make things safe and comfortable employment wise. Plus, waiting until the holidays to tell family means we have to buy less gifts. "Merry Chistmas, we're making you a grandchild!" Most of our friends will probably find out after the first of the year, though some may find out earlier.

Either way, if you're reading this, you've already found out. Wish us luck!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Welcome!

Welcome to our blog of what I'm sure will be a crazy process. We just wanted to A) record the events for ourselves and future family members and B) put a ton of information in one place for people to check out.

I have never blogged before, nor do I really read blogs so my expectations of you all pretty low. Who knows, maybe this will be the best way to share our experience with so many people that we don't talk to on a regular basis. Feel free to respond, give feedback, or make suggestions.

Though most of you will be coming in pretty late in the process I still thought you might like some insight into what we have been going through even though we're telling almost no one for quite a while. The holiday season will be (was, for you) pretty interesting though.